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Tales of a Moron Part 5


I showed up to Biology early again, but still no Hilda, once again I sat through yet another class not really listening or even paying attention to the teacher or my classmates. This happened throughout the week much to my dismay. I didn’t know where Hilda was and I didn’t want to call her because that might freak her out, but really her little skipping of class was costing me my movement. The next week when I sat down in my desk I noticed she wasn’t there again. I was angry and kept thinking of ways to kill Hilda throughout the class, while at the same time picturing my movement led by someone else who was most definitely not me and probably would or will end soon because they don’t have the knowledge and sophistication that I do. However, halfway through these daydreams a hand tapped me on the shoulder. “Hilda,” I said hopefully. “Eh, no young man,” said the tapper, “my name is Professor Hylan. I believe I have a problem. You see for the last week you’ve been in this class, but you’re not on the roster, and I’ve never seen you before. Are you supposed to be in my class?”

“Yes sir it says on my transcript Bio 101 room 414.”

“Well son I’m sorry, but this is Bio 404 room 413. However, I do want to commend you on that lab report you did. It was fine work.”

I nod and leave the classroom quietly so as not to disturb the others and walk one room over to my Biology class. The teacher looked up and said, “Eh son are you sure you’re in the right room?” “No, this is room 412.”

My confidence hit an all-time low. I realized that my movement had been spoiled by myself. However, maybe just maybe I could still pull it off. I ran to room 414 and went in. The rest of the class was there and the teacher kept lecturing as if I wasn’t there. I took notes on what the teacher said. After class was up I was making my way to speak to Hilda, when the professor called me over. “Todd,” she said, “I can’t believe you missed all last week. Are you feeling all right? We had a lab report due today you know?”

Life’s not fair sometimes.

The next day I make sure I am in room 414 for my class. I march over to Hilda and say, “Hey Hilda do you want to go out with me?” Dang I’m smooth. I mean I’ve always been nervous when asking girls out, but not this time. I am cool, confident, and collected. It’s just like the movie jock. No nervousness and no reason to be I suppose, because I am the first to ask Hilda out, at least as far as I know. There is no way she can say no. Everyone in the class is looking on for her answer. I don’t see why they bother she has to say yes. I leave class. She said no. I had hoped she would so I could go into a good explanation of logic and weight classes. When I am sure she understands it I ask her out again. She says no again. Something is missing in all this. How is she able to say no? Let’s review the facts. She has not had a boyfriend ever, let alone an admirer, granted I know little about her past history, but still I don’t see her as the kind of girl with a lot of suitors. It just doesn’t make any sense.

Three hours later I’m sitting with Jenna and Trevor. “I don’t get it guys. I mean where did I go wrong. I asked the girl out, and… Hey! Listen! Ok, yeah, I know it’s funny that I missed class for a week because I was in the wrong classroom, but could you give me some of your attention.”

Jenna and Trevor are still laughing, so hard in fact that I can only see their mouths moving because they’ve wasted all their breath. Tears are rolling down their cheeks. Finally I start to hear a squeak of sound and then the return of laughter. Trevor’s the first to control himself, “I’m sorry Todd, but you have to admit that’s kinda funny.”

“Yeah, yeah I know it’s funny, but life isn’t all fun and games. I really have a problem here. The girl said no. I mean can you believe that?” Jenna starts to talk, “Did you really think you were doing her a favor by asking her out?

“Well yeah.”

“Dude just because she doesn’t get any dates, doesn’t mean she’s desperate. I mean no offense, but every girl single or not, has an idea of what kind of guy they want to get hooked up with. I don’t want to hurt your feelings Todd, but you need to get a life.”

“To get a life I have to have a girlfriend.”

Trevor looked at me for a minute and then said, “Why?”

“Huh?” I mean doesn’t he realize that you can’t just go through life without a girlfriend. I mean that’s just downright un-American.

“Yeah I mean why do you have to have a girlfriend right now? I mean I didn’t have a girlfriend all throughout middle school or high school and I survived. This year I met Jenna. See what happens when you wait?”

“Um no offense Trevor, but I don’t consider Jenna a girl worth waiting for.” My shin then exploded in pain. “Jenna I was just joking chill!!”

Jenna smiled and said, “Trevor’s right Todd, just wait for that girl to come along. You never know who she might be. Till she comes along though enjoy life!”

“Wish I knew who the girl was so I wouldn’t have to keep embarrassing myself.”

Jenna’s smile got even bigger, “So do we Todd, so do we.”

I smiled back and said I had to go study. Jenna and Trevor gave me hope sometimes. Just seeing those two together without a care for what others think. Simply amazing.

On to Part 6 of Tales of a Moron

Back to Part 4 of Tales of a Moron

Back to the Short Stories
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