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Tales of a Moron Part 4


Tales of a Moron will be an ongoing story that will be given in pieces in the form of short stories. It will be updated as the web-page is updated. Enjoy!

1. Attractive, but not startlingly attractive, think Helen Hunt.

2. Nice smile see Helen Hunt or maybe, just maybe, yeah Meg Ryan

Ok let’s see so far so good, but what about personality

3. Nice see Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail or maybe the girlfriend in Tommy Boy. Girl next door type nice.

Ok so what else any certain talents or anything. Sure why not.

4. They can cook, but nothing too special. They’re good, but not great. See any movie in which the actress did not burn the food.

5. Good study habits. See any movie in which a girl is a total brainy nerd, but looks beautiful underneath the glasses. Actually maybe number five should be my list. I mean I have always loved movies in which the lady in the movie looked like a dork, but was beautiful underneath it all, movies like Sabrina, Cinderella (though she wasn’t really a dork), etc. So why shouldn’t I also like girls who were like this?

OK who are some girls that I know of that are like this? Think Todd think. “Todd what are you doing if I might ask,” Jenna said interrupting my train of thought

“Um trying to think of girls who are in my ‘weight class’,” I answer.


“So I can have a better idea of who to ask out from now on.”

“Oh um alright. I gotta go, told Trevor I would meet him before class.” Trevor is Jenna’s boyfriend. It’s kinda funny to see them together because Trevor is not Jenna in any way shape or form. He’s got this whole traditional nerd-wear thing going on. Don’t get me wrong Trevor is a good friend of mine, but that’s how he dresses. He’s got argyle sweaters and button-up, short sleeved shirts, with pocket protectors. He’s got pants that stop just at the ankles with argyle socks. He’s got the shoes and the glasses, and most importantly he’s got the brains. He could be an extra for Revenge of the Nerds, if they still made those movies. Jenna loves him to death, which is great I think. I know you’re thinking ‘How did those two get hooked up?’ They both go to the same church, and they just happened to meet. Happens everyday I suppose. Wish it happened to me.

“Alright later.” Ok back to…where was I? Ah yes girls who match number 5 on the list. One name stood out to me, Hilda. Hilda was in my Biology class, and she was my partner. Hilda was well not thin, but not fat either. She had some weight, but it was equally distributed weight so that none of her body looked out of place. She had a nice smile and nice blonde hair, and she had a nice personality. As far as I knew she had never been asked out, and she didn’t have the guys lined up outside her door or anything, so I figured why not. If she said no, which was totally unlikely, after all she’s never had a boyfriend so she must be desperate. If she said no, then I could show her my list and explain to her how we were in the same weight class and I’m sure Jenna would back me up. This of course was all logical stuff, and if Hilda was an emotional type person, then she probably wouldn’t go for it. She seemed to be pretty logical in Biology class, so there should be no problem.

Luckily for me Biology was my first class on Mondays so I headed there so as too ask Hilda out before I drew a crowd. However, why should I rush? Who cares if there is a crowd? Perhaps they’ll be enlightened by my show of logic and understand that dating people in your weight class is more of a logical thing then an emotional thing. Of course I’ll make them all see dating in a different light, and the new light will be named after me and so on and so forth. Oh this asking her out thing was even bigger than I thought it would be. I could feel my palms start sweating and my head start to throw around all kinds of wild ideas. I started to get nervous. I’ve never been the head of a new movement. How would I run it? How would I stay in control? Did Presidents, Dictators, or fashion designers think of these things when they were in control? How did they do it? I finally got to class and was startled by two things. I was first startled by the fact that we had a lab to do today and a lab report to turn in by next Monday. Then I was startled by the fact that Hilda wasn’t there, after all how does one start a movement when their experimentee didn’t show up? I am sure this didn’t happen for the Civil Rights Movement or to Shannon Faulkner. I sat through class and heard the teacher, but I wasn’t really listening. After class I decided I was going to look up Hilda’s number and ask her why she hadn’t come to class. However, the phone book was hidden under masses of junk so I decided I would wait until next class.

On to Part 5 of Tales of a Moron

Back to Part 3 of Tales of a Moron

Back to the Short Stories
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