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Tales of a Moron


Tales of a Moron will be an ongoing story that will be given in pieces in the form of short stories. It will be updated as the web-page is updated. Enjoy!

I always wanted to sit out in the rain and look all lonely and heartbroken, unfortunately I am standing out in the rain looking more lonely and heartbroken than all lonely and heartbroken, maybe next time? If there is a next time, which I hope there isn't. My girlfriend broke up with me. Can you believe it? I know I can't, which could be the reason I'm still out here. Either that or I'm trying to think of a really good come back line to "We're through Todd," followed by a shove out the front door to Margaret Nance, another girl's dorm. I'm still standing out here. I hope she realizes this fact. I am standing out here in rain... oh great now the rain has stopped. Geez where's the atmosphere one needs for a girl to come running back into the hero's arms after realizing her mistake? Oh well, hmm maybe she's just waiting to here me call her name?

"Marianne," I cry, not like all sorrowful or anything, it's more like a "Marianne are you ok and do you realize I'm still out here in the rain" type cry. Yes I realize the differences are small, but one must realize the differences in emotions when one cries a girls name at the front door of her dorm. Hmm I'm getting wet so I should just leave I guess. I'm starting to remember all the great times we had.

Like when we went to the spring formal I waited all night to dance with her. Literally. I sat in a chair while she danced with twenty-two other guys. No I'm not exaggerating, if I was exaggerating I would say some number with a 0 or a 5 at the end of it wouldn't I? Anyways we finally begin our dance. The moon was at that perfect height where it would have shined down upon us had it not been for the fact that the dance was held in a room that had no windows. We danced the few minutes away. Near the end of our dance she leaned oh so close to me. I started to puff up with pride and awe that a girl would actually want to get closer to me, much less my girlfriend. She tilted her head towards my ear and oh so sexily said, "If you step on my toes one more time I am going to give you a swift knee to the crotch area, ok?" I was somewhat embarrassed, but unperturbed and just continued to enjoy myself, though somewhat more cautiously then before.

Oh what a magical night that was. Fireworks were going off right before both of our eyes when I walked her home. Well, not actually walked her home, she allowed me to walk behind her at a comfortable distance of about twenty feet, but hey its all logistics in the end right? The main thing is that we were walking in the same direction at the same time, within mildly close proximity of one another, which is important in holding the usual goodnight conversation of, "OK Todd no one's looking you can kiss me. On the cheek moron!" I just walked away with a smile.

Which is the opposite of what I'm wearing now. For those of you scratching your heads I'm wearing a frown now. Oh gosh a frown hmm no I've never seen anybody in real life have a frown, but in cartoons and comic books they do. I'm just wearing a slightly straight lined face with wet hair and a despairing look in my eyes. Anyways I just couldn't believe it. Melissa broke up with me can you believe that? I know I sure can't! I've gotta get over it just keep pressing on Todd you're gonna be fine just keep walking in the opposite direction towards your dorm room. Ok there we go its going to be alright. I make my way up the stairs past the beer bottles and don't even take time to look at the new drawings on the walls, I just want to get to my room and sob for a while. I finally get to my room and find that key isn't working correctly so I begin to bang loudly on the door. Finally my roommate comes to the door. Actually its not my roommate its some guy I've never met. I assume we never met because he's giving me the same "who are you?" stare that I imagine myself giving him except there's something different about his. Ah of course, I'd recognize that stare anywhere (hey that rhymed, yes!) its that "who are you and why are you knocking on my door" stare. Unfortunately I don't have an answer to the stare so I just look around quickly and realize I'm on the wrong floor. I turn back and give him the usual sheepish grin and shrug of the shoulders with a mumbled, "Sorry to have woken you up." For his part he takes it pretty well and just says, "Its 7 pm most people aren't sleeping here." What an idiot! Doesn't he realize there are people in different time zones sleeping as we speak. I had no time for this man's lack of intelligence and so instead of making him aware of the previous fact I simply turn and leave to go back to the stairwell.

Upon arriving at my floor I find my room and go inside. I was thinking about staying up to talk to my roommate about it, but I don't think he'd understand what I'm talking about after all he's gay. I mean how would a gay guy understand what it's like to have someone break your heart? Actually, truth be told, I don't know if Ronald, my roommate, is gay or not, but with a name like Ronald? Besides most of his friends are male so I just assumed. Anyways I tell him goodnight, hey just because he's gay doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings, and go to bed.

On to Part 2 of Tales of a Moron

Back to the Short Stories
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